As soon as “Family Secrets” continued, he demanded a full-figured accounting. During a break, Eubanks spied the cop’s wife discreetly attempting to adjust her bra. the contestant, a husky policeman, did seem a teensy bit embarrassed.

On the next show, Eubanks betrayed his lowered expectations by changing the opening line from, “This is the show that proves secrets can really be a lot of fun” to “This is the show that proves secrets can be fun sometimes.” Not content to stand back and await comic opportunities, your gracious host waved cards in from of his face to indicate that a guest was giving off body odor. This same woman identified the capital of South Dakota as Kansas. One mother wrongly guessed that her daughter would confess burning curiosity about “the facts of life” and “commercials for women’s products.” It turned out that the girl was more interested in cars. Later, a woman revealed that when her husband ails, he wails, “Oh, my back-touch it!” A leering Eubanks cracked,” And he’s not sick when he does that, is he?” Perhaps preoccupied by dreams of winning a fabulous Arizona vacation in the bonus round (or taking home the consolation prize of “scoop-formula cat litter”), the couple failed to register satisfactory embarrassment. “Clothes,” the child replied not very cooperatively. “What does she wear?” Eubanks asked, sniffing for something salacious. The first show’s questions included: “What’s the thing your mom does that’s so crazy it makes he one of America’s weirdest People?” One kid offered that her mother sings and dances while housecleaning. Unfortunately, the early contestants barely budged the needle on the embarrassment meter. The families then regroup for the final round. Next, the moms and dads are quizzed on the oddities of their offspring. The fun begins with the children answering questions about their parents’ foibles while the grown-ups are out of earshot.

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